To my exes ex,

Im not sure where to start. I have been tempted to send a message to you for a while now. I could never do that because it would feel selfish of me to bring up these past feelings.

I can imagine you hate me. Maybe not. Our ex (lol) still always painted you out to be a pretty decent person. Of course I Social Media stalked you. What girl wouldn’t. (Probably lots).

I knew he had a girlfriend. He did trick me, he lied to me so much throughout the entire 3 years and especially the months you were still together. He would tell me you never kissed, never touched. That things were so close to being over the whole time. Even the start of this I was manipulated into thinking it was a good idea. Yes, I knew, but he was just so convincing.

I blame myself. I blame my weakness. Please believe that I have regretted my decisions constantly. I didn’t set out to hurt you but of course I did.

I want you to know that our entire relationship, even after yours ended, I felt like I was still trying to compete with you. Even now, I really think his heart has been with you the entire time. I know it probably won’t make you feel better but its the truth.

I want you to know, I have gotten my karma. I want you to know that I probably feel somewhat similar to how you felt when things ended. He cast me aside like I was nothing. Maybe even worse, because I know you have always meant something to him…

It wont make up for anything I have done. I can promise you though, that I am someone who makes mistakes and repents. Ive made alot of mistakes and I have learned. I dwell, my mind festers. I punish myself eternally even for silly shit like accidentally cutting someone off on the road. I was recently driving, and a girl let me in because I was in the wrong lane. I waved at her but i don’t think she saw. I still think about that moment. Imagine what I have felt about what I have done to you.

I wish we could have the chance to talk. I know we never will. I know you’ll never see this. But I wish we could talk, and compare notes. I feel like the two of us have been completely stomped all over by one man. I have so many unanswered questions and doubtful excuses that I have heard, I feel like you may have been curious too.

I wish you the best in your life, in your amazing career. I hope you find someone that supports you on your journey and can be a true partner to you. You deserve it.

Good luck.